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She doesn't understand why she's reacting this way. Her heart pounds in her ears and her hands tremble. She hovers the mouse over the file labelled 'Angelo' but doesn't open it. She's sweltering underneath the covers so she throws them off and leans back against the headboard, resting her laptop on her knees. She feels a rush of gratitude towards him and makes a mental note to thank him later.
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He must have told people to leave her alone. She's been gone for at least an hour and no one has knocked on her door since Emmett did when she first came up. After tonight her family will need her, Daphne and Regina in particular, and she will be there for them without question.ĭaphne and John have finally gone back downstairs and she can hear the quiet murmur of conversation from the guests below. It's incredibly selfish of her to think this way but she allows herself this one brief moment of complete selfishness. She almost feels like she doesn't have a dad anymore. Bay doesn't have a bio-dad anymore and she isn't as close to John as Daphne is, no matter what he says. But she still can't help but feel jealous of Daphne. Angelo is gone and there's no point in blaming anyone for his death. And wasn't she part of the reason he drove away angry? Bay shakes her head to clear her thoughts. Daphne didn't really lose anyone important to her. Angelo was nothing more than a man who left her and Regina when she was a toddler. Besides, she has John who is both her bio-dad and her actual dad. She never wanted a relationship with him in the first place and now she's crying about something she didn't really lose. The irritation that she feels towards Daphne rises again when she hears her cry about missing Angelo. She almost rolls her eyes at that- Daphne can't hear him so his words do no good for her. She doesn't really care anyway.īay feels a hot stab of jealousy strike her very core when she hears Daphne crying in the hall and John's soft words of comfort for her. She won't being going back down to the wake so she'll never get a chance to figure that out. She wonders how much of the grief is genuine and how much of it is not. She suspects that most of the people that are here felt obligated to show up. To them he was a man that added more to what was already full. To her he was the missing part of her life that never really filled out. Part of the reason she came up here was to grieve for the Angelo that she knew, not the Angelo that everyone downstairs knew. She realizes that for the first time in her life she finally gets to experience that same sense of nothingness that he described.Īfter staring at the pattern on the underside of her comforter for the better part of ten minutes, Bay pulls her laptop towards her and turns it on. Bay thinks back to the time when Emmett told her that he couldn't imagine what it would be like to not be able to get away and turn off his brain. Emmett's knocks finally fade away and she relishes the silence. She feels warm and safe for the first time since Angelo got into the accident. Instead of allowing them to fall she grabs her laptop and curls into a ball under her covers. The guilt she feels when she thinks of how their relationship was strained before he died eats away at her and she feels tears stinging at her eyes. She'll never get that opportunity with Angelo ever again no matter how much she dreams of it. Emmett still has a chance to be close to him if he wants to be. He might not be as close to his father as he once was but at least Cameron is still alive.
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He's never lost anyone, not anyone as important as a parent that is. Emmett would listen to her but he'd never truly be able to understand what she's going through. Today she needs solitude and peace to come to terms with everything that she's lost. Normally she appreciates his steady presence and superior listening skills but she doesn't need that today.
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She wishes that he would just let her be alone. It's no surprise that he noticed her disappearance but she didn't expect him to catch on quite so quickly. Once in her room, she throws the lock on the door and ignores Emmett's knocks. Casserole and polite conversations have never been her style anyway. She doesn't want to deal with this anymore -the pitying looks, the red eyes, the pretending that everything is ok when it's not- so she sneaks off upstairs in the middle of the wake. Stats: Published: Completed: Words: 112930 Chapters: 26/26 Comments: 3 Kudos: 25 Bookmarks: 10 Hits: 1723